Tears of a Corellian
by Foregiver-Sign
Summary: Wedge's deep thoughts when he learns of Wes Janson's death during the events of "Isard's Revenge". What Wes really meant to him, and how much death really hurts.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Star Wars etc. Blah blah blah…etc etc etc. I hope you hate disclaimers as much as I do so you won't bother reading this one.

This fic is set during the X-Wing series book, _Isard's Revenge. This is when Wedge, Corran, Tycho, Gavin, are cooperating with Ysanne Isard. After being saved and taken in by her, they have lost connection with their own squadron during that previous battle. Nobody really knows who is alive anymore. Most of Rogue Squadron is presumed dead._

This is about Wedge's feelings about Wes Janson. Wedge doesn't know that Janson really is alive, and thinks he's dead. This is about his thoughts about one of his most dear friends. At the end, I'll probably have a little reunion later, since we all know (well if you've read the book anyway) that they get back together, the whole squadron except for Asyr Sei'lar.

            It was a dark room, not too roomy either. Wedge had situated himself on his cot with his hands on his knees. He felt like a ton of bricks had just fallen on his head, and someone was gripping his heart. To hear about Wes Janson's death was about the last thing he wanted to hear. He didn't even expect it. The bright, optimistic, prank-playing pilot always made jokes and bets with Wedge on who was going to bite the dust first. Wedge could have always sworn it should have been him, but now Janson was gone first. He couldn't believe that it would be him…anyone but him. He had known Janson ever since they were children…

            "Who are you?"

"The name is Wes Janson, although you've probably heard more of me because of my looks than my flying skills," he replied.

"Wes Janson eh? Wedge Antilles," they shook hands. From then on, he knew, they would come to be the best of friends…

It was late at night. Wedge was still laying back on his cot thinking about his fallen comrade. He was trying to hold the tears back. It just wasn't right…for Wedge Antilles to cry. How long had it been since he last cried? He couldn't remember. It had been ages, and it felt good to be able to soothe some of the pain with tears of his own. He would have given anything, just to see Janson's face again, one more time. Just one more time, one more "Yub, yub commander," anything. To hear his voice again would have satisfied him for an eternity, yet he was left with nothing. He didn't even get to say good-bye…perhaps they were holding his funeral now, and he wouldn't be able to be there…neither would most of the squadron.

Most of the squadron…that phrase ate at Wedge. He knew some of his men were with him, Corran, Gavin, Tycho…but he wasn't sure about the rest. He was worried about Iella, and about how Mirax was doing facing the fact that she thought her husband was dead. Connections were dead between the two parties, courtesy of Ysanne Isard. How he wanted to choke her, and drain her cold blood, but he couldn't, for fear of his comrades' safety. Wedge felt a tight, cold ball of fear bottle up inside him. He never felt like this before…so alone. He never felt so abandoned…devoid of all signs of life. He didn't even have his R5 unit, Gate, to crack jokes at him and push all his buttons and pull on his strings. He would've loved hating every minute of Janson's taunts and jokes, but he knew he wouldn't ever hear them again unless someone recorded it on a holo or something, but he doubted that. Worst yet, when he got back, if he got back, he would have to explain to the squadron what had happen. The New Republic's greatest squadron, perhaps the most feared, Rogue Squadron, was falling apart before his very eyes. A gentle tear rolled down his cheek.

That cheerful face, that energetic youth that made him look no older than 20…he would do anything, and pay anything to see it again. In the emptiness of his room, it felt colder than Hoth. Perhaps…he felt even colder inside. The death of so many ate at him, and slowly gnawed at his conscience. Just then, Tycho walked in to the room. He saw Wedge sitting on lying on his cot, wiping a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry Commander, have I interrupted something?"

"No…" Wedge's voice faltered, "come in Tycho. What is it you would like?" he asked.

"I'm…I just thought I would drop by. Corran is up still trying to figure out a way to send a message to Mirax despite all the safeguards Isard has on him. Gavin fell asleep, poor guy, after all that weeping he finally got himself to go to sleep. The death of Asyr really has him upset," Tycho paused, realizing he said something that deeply upset Wedge. Then he realized what it was. "Oh Wedge…I'm so sorry…about Janson…"

"It's not your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself Tycho," Wedge replied. His answer was a little harsher than he expected.

"Janson…he's going to be missed…I know how long you've known him…" Tycho said. He sat down on the top bunk of Wedge's cot.

"I…" Wedge's voice cracked, "I know. I'm going to miss him. Something tells me I could have prevented…" Tycho hopped off infront of Wedge with a stern look on his calm face.

"Don't say that Wedge. Don't ever say that. Nothing you could have done would have stopped what happened that day. Nothing. Just think, Wes wouldn't want us like this. He'd probably be looking for a way out of this mess, which means we should too. There will be plenty of time for reflection back in Coruscant, not on here. If we ever get out of here, we can honor our dead, if we don't…we'll be with them," Tycho continued, "now I'm no master of making speeches…but I'll leave you to your thoughts. I know how it must feel Wedge…to loose loved ones. I too lost my family from the Empire…a reason why they must be stopped," he finished. He touched a button and the door slid open and he walked out.

"Tycho…" Wedge said in an almost inaudible whisper. His heart hurt him too much to continue. He just sighed and let his head melt into his pillow. Eventually he fell asleep which would lead him into a dream about the good times they shared together…

******************************************************************************************************************

AT THE ROGUE SQUADRON PARTY…

"Hey, you've come back from the dead twice. That's impressive Corran," a voice said. Corran turned around to face the baby faced lieutenant.

"Not so shabby yourself lieutenant. You were thought dead by us too…" Corran paused, "especially Wedge."

"So, you're happy to see me eh?" Janson asked.

"Sure, you should have heard Wedge. He couldn't control himself when he heard you were alive. Those were the first tears I've seen Wedge shed in all the time I've known him. He's going to love hating you Janson," Corran said with a smile.

"Oh you can bet on it. Yub, yub Corran," Wes said with a grin. He walked off toward Wedge. Corran smiled. Everything was back to the way it should be. 


End file.
